Final Fantasy Xmas
by Angellina Tsaint
Summary: Just goes to show what can spawn when one has writers block! Cloud and Vivi collect the FF casts for a party!
1. I'm here to put you on a mission, Cloud!

A/N: Ahhhh! Evil writers block! Well, I have to write something...  
Disclaimer: Squaresoft is the new god. Owns you, owns me, or at least owns Final Fantasy.  
  
  
It was a beautiful day. Birds were singing, children were playing, and...   
Cloud was in the Gold Saucer, at the Chocobo Racing.  
  
Cloud: WOOT! GO ELEN! WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT!!!!! I WON!  
  
Lady: Prize or GP?  
  
Cloud: GP! GIMME!  
  
Lady: *sweatdrop* Here! *gives him 5 GP*  
  
Cloud: O.O Only 5 GP?  
  
Lady: We're short of GP, ok? Go to the hotel or something.  
  
Cloud: Ok... *goes to Scary Hotel*  
  
Sephiroth: 5 GP if you want to stay.  
  
Cloud: AHH! Sephiroth!  
  
Sephiroth: No shit sherlock! NOW PAY THE (*^%&$& 5 GP OR I KICK YOU OUT!  
  
Cloud: O_o *pays*  
  
That night...  
  
Strange sounds from other room: Mmmmmm.... OH! That tickles!  
  
Cloud: *obviously not getting any sleep* @_@ Sweet Yevon!  
  
Wakka: *from nowhere* Hey, you're not from FFX, ya?  
  
Cloud: O.o I need coffee! *runs out to get coffee*  
  
Guy from other room: ...? What was that?  
  
Yuffie: Vincent, shut up!  
  
Cloud was racing around the Gold Saucer at night, trying to find coffee.  
  
Cloud: *runs into Red XIII*  
  
Red XIII: *drunk* YO CLOUD! WANNA BEER?!  
  
Cloud: O.o No thanks, I'm looking for coffee.  
  
Red XIII: Nah! Beer's better! *falls over*  
  
Cloud: *runs off*  
  
In the main area thingy...  
  
Cloud: Hmmm? AH! COFFEE! *notices one of the portals saying coffee* (Remember, he's VERY tired) COFFFEEEEE! *leaps into portal*  
  
At wherever the hell he went...  
  
Cloud: Uggg...   
  
Short Mage Dude: O.O Who are you and why does your hair look like a chocobo's ass?  
  
Cloud: My hair does NOT look like a chocobo's ass!  
  
Everyone else in the fic: Yes it does!  
  
Cloud: Alrighty then. Anyway, why isn't there any coffee here?  
  
Short Mage Dude: Coffee? What's that? This is Alexandria! Maybe you could get something off Zidane... I'm Vivi, by the way.  
  
Cloud: Nice to meetcha, Vivi. I'm Cloud.  
  
So the two went off in search of Zidane... Who was decorating Alexandria palace.  
  
Zidane: *off-tune* Christmas bells, those christmas bells! Ringing through the land!  
  
Vivi: Zidane!  
  
Zidane: Hi Vi- AHHHH! *falls from 20 meter tall Christmas tree* Ouch!  
  
Vivi: Sorry, are you ok?  
  
Zidane: -.-' If you consider a strained ankle ok, then I'm just dandy.  
  
Vivi: ^-^ Super!  
  
Cloud: Do you have any coffee?  
  
Zidane: Who the hell are you and what's up with the chocobo's ass look?  
  
Cloud: I'm Cloud, now is there any coffee?  
  
Zidane: Dagger and Eiko drunk it all!  
  
Loud yells and carols are heard from upstairs. Eiko and Dagger come down the staircase.  
  
Dagger: *hyper* Hi Ziddy! I love you! *hugs Zidane*  
  
Zidane: Heh, heh...  
  
Cloud: Is there ANY coffee here?  
  
Dagger and Eiko: COFFEEE!!!! YUMM-WAH!  
  
Cloud: O.O''  
  
Vivi: I got them Furbys for Christmas, they've already opened them...  
  
Cloud: That explains lots... But how the hell did I get here!?  
  
Vivi: I dunno. You just... Fell outta the sky!  
  
Cloud: Crap! How am I supposed to get back now?  
  
Zidane: Where'd you come from, anyway?  
  
Cloud: The Gold Saucer.  
  
Others: ???  
  
Cloud: *sigh* Nevermind!  
  
Suddenly portals appear. And, unfortunately... So does Peaches, wearing a short-skirted Mrs Claus outfit and holding a candycane.  
  
Peaches: Aloha!  
  
Eiko: CANDYCANE! GIMME! *runs over and tries to steal the candycane*  
  
Peaches: Â.Â'' *gives Eiko the candycane*  
  
Eiko: ^_^ *gives half to Vivi*  
  
Vivi: *eats it*  
  
Peaches: I'm here to put you on a mission, Cloud!  
  
Cloud: Why should I listen to you?  
  
Peaches: Is there such thing as Christmas spirit in your body?  
  
Cloud: *raises eyebrow* Wouldn't YOU like to know!  
  
Peaches: ^_^ Hell yeah!  
  
Others: O.O'''  
  
Peaches: Uh... Anyway, your mission is to gather up the FF crew and bring them to the Gold Saucer, via these portals.   
  
Cloud: Why?  
  
Peaches: I'm throwing a Christmas party there, dumbass!  
  
Zidane: Sweet! I'm there!  
  
Cloud: I dunno...  
  
Peaches: There'll be coffee! LOTS and LOTS of coffee!  
  
Cloud: Sure! I'm in!  
  
Peaches: Great! I'll see you there! *dissapears in a poof of red and green glitter*  
  
Vivi: Aw, I wanna go too!  
  
Cloud: Sure you can come!  
  
Vivi: Sw33t!  
  
Cloud: I need my coffee... Come Vivi, we have much to do!  
  
Vivi: What are you talking about!? She said YOU need to round them up, not me!  
  
Cloud: You traitor!  
  
Vivi: Oh? Is that too hard for Mister LOOK I'M IN KINGDOM HEARTS?!  
  
Zidane: O.o I think Vivi had too much egg-nog!  
  
Vivi: I'll eggnog you! *tackles Zidane and hits him over the head with an empty eggnog carton*  
  
Dagger: *still hyper* ZIDDY!  
Zidane: AHHH!! ANGRY MAGE!  
  
Vivi: *evil laugh*  
  
Eiko: Oops... I shouldn't have given him that candycane...  
  
Vivi: *stops hitting Zidane* CANDY CANE! *runs off*  
  
Everyone : o_o;;  
  
Peaches: *reappears* I forgot something... Hey, wasn't Vivi going to go with you?  
Cloud: .... I dont think he is now o_o  
  
Peaches: *loudly* Oh, shucks! I was going to give you two lots of egg-nog and candycanes!  
  
Vivi: *runs back* CANDY CANES?! EGGNOG!  
  
Peaches: ^-^ Yup!  
  
Cloud: It's like a rabid poodle, only in child Black mage form...  
  
Zidane: That's why he's my friend!!!  
Vivi: *gnaws on the couch arm*  
  
  
Peaches: Vivi...  
Vivi: ....*stops*  
  
Peaches: *gives Vivi a hug*  
  
Vivi: ^_^! *hugs Peaches back, and while doing so, tries to steal the eggnog*  
  
Peaches: No, that's empty! I left it back at the Gold Saucer. You have to go with Cloud!  
Vivi: Aw, shucks... OK, I'll go!  
  
Zidane: *whispers to Cloud* guess the rabid poodle is all yours!  
  
Cloud: Oh well, he isnt so bad...  
  
Peaches: *her mobile rings and she pulls it out* Heya!  
  
Pyra: Hey peaches-chan!  
  
Peaches: Pyra! Nice to seeya! Wait... Why are you ringing? Is Red XIII eating the mistletoe again?  
  
Pyra: No, worse. HE FOUND THE BEER!  
  
Cloud: I heard that!  
  
Peaches: *nods* I'll be right there, Pyra! *hangs up* Cloud, Vivi, you know your mission! Now go! *dissapears in glitter*  
  
Cloud: Oh great, we get the dirty work while she saves the beer.  
  
Vivi: Look, mister I-have-a-chocobo's-ass-for-a-head, let's jsut get this done! We'll start with FF8, alright?  
  
Cloud: Sicne when were you put in charge?  
  
Vivi: SINCE YOU STARTED WHINNING! NOW GO!  
  
They jump into the FF8 portal...  
  
  
A/N: W00t! I wrote half of this with Pyra!!! :D Anyhoo, the second chap will be up soon! After all, I have nothing better to do! 


	2. I can't feel my spleen!

Disclaimer: 'Tis the season not to own anything, fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la...  
  
  
At the Golden Saucer, trouble was afoot...  
  
Peaches: Pyra? Pyra? Where are you?!  
  
A scream is heard from nearby.  
  
Peaches: Oh no... What is she doing!?  
  
Pyra is seen trying to kidanp Vivi.  
  
Vivi: PUT ME DOWN!  
  
Pyra: MUAHAHHA! You will make the perfect elf!  
  
Peaches runs over.  
  
Peaches: PYRA! Put the black mage DOWN!  
  
Pyra: *looks over her shoulder* ...FINE! *puts Vivi down and fake pouts*  
  
Peaches: Stop pouting and I'll give you a candycane...  
  
Pyra: ^___^ CANDYCANE! *stops pouting and looks all childish*  
  
Cloud: ... At least she wasn't trying to steal me or something...  
  
Vivi: *gives Cloud the evil eye*  
  
Peaches: Cloud! No wonder Vivi was here! Anyway, change of plan.  
  
Cloud: Huh?  
  
Peaches: You're getting the guys from KH!  
  
Cloud: O.O  
  
Vivi: Oh, that'll be easy for Mister LOOKY-I'M-IN-KH! over here...*gives Cloud a death glare*  
  
Pyra: Bring back a few Heartless for me too! I love thos little cutie pies... n_n *cuddles her candycane*  
  
Vivi: *pout* OH, so I'm not good enough anymore? I look just like a Blue Rhapsody!  
  
Peaches: Talking about rap, I swear I always hear a DJ when I fight those guys...  
  
Pyra: *makes turn-table scratch noises*  
  
Cloud: ...*perks a brow at Pyra* Ahem! So where do we go to get these KH fellows?  
  
Peaches: How the hell should we know? You're the one that was in the game!  
  
Cloud: But that doesn't mean I know ALL!  
  
Vivi: *pokes Cloud with his staff* Look, just jump into all the tunnels until we find it! How hard can it be?  
  
Cloud: There is like TWENTY TUNNELS! And they all lead to different worlds! Hello!  
  
Vivi: Don't use that dumb blonde lingo with me, mister.  
  
Peaches: Yeah! *pushes them both into a random, nameless portal*  
  
Cloud & Vivi: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-   
  
Their screams die away as they fall.  
  
Red: *still drunk* Whooosh.... *falls over*  
  
Peaches: Ooops!  
  
Pyra: ...*pokes the drunk Red with her foot*  
  
  
*Meanwhile...*  
  
Riku: *points out at nothing* Look Sora!  
  
Sora: *looks* What?!  
  
Riku: *laughs* So gulliable...  
  
Kairi: Oh my god! LOOK! *points at the sky*  
  
Sora: *angry face* I'm not THAT stupid...  
  
Riku: *looks* No, seriously, LOOK!  
  
Sora: No!  
  
Sora gets squished by Cloud and Vivi falling from the sky.  
  
Sora: X.X  
  
Cloud and Vivi get up.  
  
Vivi: Is he okay? *pokes Sora with his staff*  
  
Cloud: Not this guy!  
  
Vivi: Huh?  
  
Cloud: Nevermind... Anyway, you pick him up.  
  
Vivi: Whaaaaat!?  
  
Cloud: You pick him up and I'll get these guys!  
  
Sora: x_x I can't feel my spleen!  
  
Kairi: ...No one can feel their spleen, Sora.  
  
Riku: Get who now? We ain't going anywhere! And Cloud, Hades wants that 200 gil back you borrowed off him.  
  
Cloud: DAMMIT! That's why I didn't want to come here! *yells to Peaches* SEE?! YOU *%**&%&(%!  
  
Others: O.O  
  
Up in the Gold Saucer...  
  
Peaches: Pyra, did you hear anything just then? I swear, I just heard Cloud yelling...  
  
Back in KH...  
  
Vivi: WAIT! I thought you had munny!  
  
Riku: No, that's crappy weird block things!  
  
Sora: *coughs up something green and slimey* ...HEY! I made those life energy things! Sweet!  
  
Kairi: Ew....I think your dead Sora...  
  
Sora: I told you I couldn't feel my spleen!  
  
Others: ... O.O  
  
Sora: *looks down* Crap! I rented this outfit!  
  
Kairi: *uses a Mega-Potion on Sora* Get up...your making me look bad!  
  
Cloud: So Aeris can die and I look like a moron, but this guy can't die?!  
  
Vivi: Aeris got what she deserved!  
  
Cloud: You're right! She was voiced by Mandy Moore!  
  
All: *shudder*  
  
Riku: Back on topic, why are you here?  
  
Kairi: Please don't say anything about Disney terrorism, we get like ten of those people a day...  
  
Cloud: Quick Vivi, knock 'em out!  
  
Vivi hits them all with his staff.  
  
Cloud: *picks up Riku and Kairi* You carry the weird guy.  
  
Vivi: *picks up Sora* O.O Heavy!  
  
  
Sora: ... I'm still alive!  
Vivi: _ *whacks him again*  
  
So Cloud and Vivi go back to the Gold Saucer...  
  
Peaches: Vivi?! Where'd you get that Heartless logo?  
  
Vivi: It's cool isn't it?!  
  
Pyra: SQUEE! *picks up Vivi and huggles him* n_n IT'S SO CUTE! I love Blue Rhapsodies!  
  
Peaches: She's not kidding! *points to KH game on the Mega TV which is paused on a screenfull of Blue Rhapsodies, and there are kiss marks all over it*  
  
Pyra: ^_^; I even used green lipstick to go with my outfit! And it showed up so well on the TV...  
  
Peaches: He, he... The red marks are mine!  
  
Cloud: *sigh*  
  
Peaches: When Riku was on!  
  
Vivi: o_O Please... Someone make her let me go... My vision is slipping away....  
  
Peaches: *wrenches Vivi away from Pyra*  
  
Vivi: THANK YEVON!  
  
Wakka: *from FFX world* You're not from FFX either, ya?  
  
Vivi: *uses Firaga on Wakka*  
  
Wakka: AHHHH! MY HAIR GEL IS HIGHLY FLAMIBLE,YA?! *runs away*  
  
Vivi: Whoops!  
  
Pyra: *giggles insanely* FIRE!  
  
Cloud: ... Oh yeah, someone told me about you. You're a major pyro.  
  
Pyra: Ooooo! I'm FAMOUS!  
  
Cloud: *looks up* Hey, why is Zidane covering the whole ceiling in mistletoe?!  
  
They all look up to see Zidane on the ceiling, with 3/4 of it in mistletoe...  
  
Peaches: Dammit Zidane, move faster!  
  
Cloud: O.O *hurries to a mistletoe-free area*  
  
Vivi: *hurries after him*  
  
Zidane: *swinging around the ceiling like a monkey and obviously slightly drunk* Me Mistletoe Master. You no escape! MUAHAHHA!   
  
Cloud & Vivi: AHHHH! NOOOOOO!  
  
Peaches: Zidane! Hurry up!!!!  
  
Zidane: I going I going! *a piece breaks off and he falls off the celing, as does a pile of mistletoe, and Zidane is buried in the green plant of DOOM!*  
  
Dagger: *runs in, still hyper* WHEET! *jumps at Zidane and they start making out*  
  
Others: O.O  
  
Pyra: ...*looks around a few times, then takes out a lighter* Fire.....  
  
Peaches: Pyra, put the lighter away...  
  
Vivi: Hey, how did Wakka talk to us anyways?  
  
Cloud: *pokes wall* O.O! Holographic wall!  
  
Pyra: *drops the lighter and squishes her face against the wall* HELLOOO?!  
  
Peaches: Pyra! *grabs her arm just as Pyra falls through*  
  
Vivi: O.O So... The FFX cast is through there? Alrighty then. Come on, Cloud! *they walk through the wall*  
  
Pyra: SQUUE! *yells out* I LOVE YOU SEYMOUR!  
  
Seymour: *on the other side* ^_^ Ladies, call me!  
  
Peaches: *grin* We will!  
  
Pyra: WE SHALL! *blows a kiss and goes back to trying to burn the place down*  
  
Peaches: Aack!!!   
  
The KH crew wake up.  
  
Sora: O.O I still can't feel my spleen!  
  
Riku: Â_Â Dumbass...  
  
  
A/N: Ok, weird chappie... Review ppl! 


End file.
